Excerpt from Chapter 20:
After dessert, Melana excused herself, and Peter offered to escort her home. Shortly after, Ilana and Robert left together. Kalem and Angela stayed a little longer, but after a short time, Angela said she had to return home; Kalem offered to walk her. They said their goodbyes.
Kalem and Angela walked in silence. Kalem could tell something was on her mind, but didn’t know what or how to ask.
“Kalem, can we go somewhere and talk?”
“We can talk as we walk, can’t we?”
“Yes, but I have a feeling this may take a while. Ilana and Robert may be at the apartment. Why don’t we go to the Overlook?”
Kalem looked at her with furrowed brow. “OK.” They turned at the next block, toward the temple complex, and then turned south toward the Overlook. “Is something wrong, Angela?”
“No. But I feel we dance around our feelings for each other, and I would like to clear the air.”
Kalem swallowed—hard. He hoped this wouldn’t mean an end to their relationship. His palms became clammy.
“I’m sorry, Kalem. If I sound like I’m defensive or hurt, I’m not. We see each other so infrequently. When we do, it seems we start to make a connection and, once again, you’re off on another adventure. We don’t communicate beyond surface stuff until we see each other again, and then it all starts over. I would like to know how you feel and where we stand. I don’t have any expectations. Your friendship is important to me.”
They turned the corner and arrived at the Overlook. Kalem motioned for Angela to sit next to him. He gazed at her. My, she is so beautiful. Why can’t I commit? After a while, she said, in a soft tone, “What?”
“The night lights make your hair glisten—and you look almost angelic.”
Angela smiled. “Well, that’s a nice start.”
Kalem smiled back and cleared his throat. “Angela, to be honest, I’ve been attracted to you from day one. I felt guilty, you being younger. Also, you’re so tight with Peter, who’s my nephew. It all felt . . . a little uncomfortable.”
“Well, I can understand that. But I’m only four years younger. Yes, it made a difference when we first met, but I’m now twenty, which makes both of us in our twenties. Is that too far apart? I don’t think Mom and Mik’kel would complain over our age difference when their ages are so, so . . . so much wider.”
Kalem laughed. “In comparison to Raina and Mik’kel, our birthdays are identical.” Kalem paused and became more serious. “I get that, but you’re part of the family—”
“Kalem, I’m not part of the family. Yes, I love them . . . desperately. Raina is the only mom I remember. From an emotional standpoint, we are family, but not by blood. There’s nothing taboo about us having feelings for each other, if that’s where you’re going.”
“But the perception is there.”
“Don’t confuse perception with reality. I don’t think anyone, or anyone who matters, would care if we became serious. But there’s another issue we need to discuss.”
“Oh?” Kalem’s voice got softer. “There’s something else I need to overcome?”
“No.” Angela matched his softer tone. “It’s something I have to decide how to deal with. Kalem, I really, really like you. I know that makes you uncomfortable, but I want to put it all on the line here. There’s a bigger issue than feeling you’re falling for your nephew’s sister.”
Kalem looked at Angela. She didn’t hold his gaze. He could now feel every thud of his heartbeat—knowing he was about to hear something he didn’t want to hear.
“Kalem, I’ve accepted our King as both my Lord and my future hope. You may have accepted him as your Lord, but not as the one to secure your future. That’s a big deal to me.”
She looked back into his eyes; he continued to stare into hers.
“Kalem, please say something.”
She reached out and put her hand on his. He didn’t move—couldn’t move. He finally took a deep breath, took Angela’s hand, and spoke while running his fingers over hers. “Angela, I don’t know what to say. I also really, really like you.”
He looked up and gave a weak smile. “I admit I did feel weird about that. So many things have proven strange for me. When I met the King, he turned out to be totally different from what I expected. Actually . . . ” Kalem gave a short laugh. “Very different from what I expected. I’ve been involved with the steles for so long, maybe it’s all scrambled my brain. I don’t know.”
He gave a short shrug. “I’ve thought many times about why I can’t accept the King as the hope for my future. But there’s something there. I can’t explain it or put my finger on it.”
Kalem forced another smile. “Robert told me once how I have to know the outcome before I’m willing to commit to something. Robert said I can never know what it’s like being connected to the King in the special way he’s connected to those who accept him, until I put my trust in him. I want to commit to him and to you, but I can’t—not yet, anyway.”
Angela’s eyes grew wet with tears.
Kalem felt so guilty, but at the same time, he needed to be honest. “Angela, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He let go of her hand, and didn’t know what to do next.
“Sorry, Kalem. I didn’t mean to cry. I don’t understand.” Angela choked up again.
“I don’t know how to explain it, Angela. I hope I can, one day. I have to know about the prophecy on these steles first. Once I know their message, I think I can understand . . . things.”
Angela became teary again. “And what if you never understand?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, though.”
Tears trickled down Angela’s cheeks. “You only want to be friends?”
“No. No, that’s not what I meant.”
Kalem looked at her, his heart almost breaking, knowing he was causing her pain. He took her hands in his again and rubbed his fingers over hers. His voice became low and hushed. “Angela, you said accepting the King as my future hope is important to you. I understand that, but I can’t make such a step—yet. I can’t disrespect you and pretend so we can be together. That wouldn’t be fair.”
Angela nodded, but the tears kept flowing. “Can I at least have a hug?”
“Oh, Angela, yes. Yes, of course.” Kalem held her in his arms; she sobbed and his eyes watered. “I’m sorry, Angela. I’m so sorry.”
He hoped she felt his love for her in his embrace. He knew she wouldn’t give in, and he wouldn’t want her to, but neither could he. Not yet. After several minutes, she stopped sobbing and pulled away from his shoulder.
“I think I’m better now.” She gave a weak smile and sniffled between words. “Can you walk me home?”
Kalem helped her up and held her close. This was odd. They had essentially broken up—or had they, if they were never officially together? At the same time, he felt closer to her than ever. He continued to hold her close to him as they walked to her apartment.
Along the way, he said, “Angela, I do care for you.”
“I know,” was all Angela whispered in return.
